求大神评价下我的 ESSAY！！！
Equality 7-2521 was a man who holds on to his own mind in a totalitarian society that demands blind obedience to the group. He was raised by the people who only listen to commands and refuse to make up their own judgment. “We are one in all and all in one. There are no men but only the great WE, one, indivisible and forever.” This famous quote in the story shows that they’re not able to act as individuals, or to think of their lives as unique and self-guided. The people in the society believe in the master plan, and that is the grand lie of communism. Communism means that mankind is naturally good, but over years our mind get corrupted through society’s capitalism. But is that true? As an example, if government make all of the people buy the same cloth so that they can be equal, it would be a lie because the government will be the one who’s keeping the goods. This lie hide the government from being evil, and made Equality blind for not seen the truth of the world. When men reach a certain age, the Council of Vocation will assign every man a job that will follow them for the rest of their life. Equality had always wanted to become a scholar, and he had been working very hard for it. The scholars are the people who only reads, writes, and thinks. But the Council of Vocation assign him as a street sweeper, and the street sweepers are the people who never do the work that the scholars are doing. Equality still believes that the leaders of his society is correct, and he did not make any judgment upon his job when the unfairness by the Council of Vocation is clearly seen. Equality didn’t give up for his dream, and he began seeking. He started to discovering new things in the world, and one day he found a tunnel from the “Unmentionable Times.” When Equality and International, one of Equality’s friend, found the tunnel they’re both were shocked. Suddenly International told Equality that,“since the Council does not know of this hole, there can be no law permitting to enter it. And everything which is not permitted by law is forbidden.”In short, he told him that every action has to be sanctioned by society.This shows us that there’s no room for individual free choice at all because everything are mostly had been decided by the leader of the society. The leader of the society was not mentioned in the book, but we know that the leader is the richest and he is the leader of the government. Equality went to the tunnel every single day and he had been testing out many different things. One day, he has invented something that never appeared in the history of human being, and he thought that if he brought it out to the world, he can become one of the scholars. Equality’s new invention is called “light,” and he makes the light by using a steel wire and bronze to create electricity. Equality had an idea, and he wants to replace candles with light bulb. Suddenly, Equality put the new invention in the glass box, and went to the Council of Scholars. The first reaction of the scholars was fear. People are afraid of new things, and they thought that anything that was created by 1 individual person is dangerous. The scholars believe that they need to do everything together. Before the scholar destroy Equality’s proud invention, Equality had successfully escaped and went to the “Forbidden Forest.” Equality was disappointed because he thought that the scholars were just like him, but he didn’t notice that they were all sheeps ( the people who only listen to commands ). He feels lonely and he would have to stay isolated for the rest of his life. But was the thing that the leader of the society did to him morally wrong?By morally wrong, we mean that if the government did it with tension. Equality was educated in the academy for over 14 years, and he had always wanted to learn. His grades were good enough to become a scholar, and the government would probably notice that. I say that it is morally wrong because they rejected Equality when he has all the condition to become a scholar. In short, they did it with tension.One day, the Golden One, Equality’s girlfriend, has found him and told him that she would like to stay with him. She said “we love you,” but Equality thought that the word is missing something, or something is wrong. Equality and Golden One found a house in the “Forbidden Forest” and figured out that the house was from the “Unmentionable Time. Equality and the Golden One both decided to live there for the rest of their life. Equality had found a lot of different books with different secrets in the house, and started to think deeply. It is my mind which thinks, and the judgment of my mind is the only searchlight that can find the truth. “The word “We” is as lime poured over men, which sets and hardens to stone, and crushes all beneath it, and that which is white and that which is black are lost equally in the grey of it. It is the word by which the depraved steal the wisdom of the sages. What is my joy if all hands, even the unclean, can reach into it? What is my wisdom, if even the fools can dictate to me? What is my freedom, if all creatures, even the botched and impotent, are my masters? What is my life, if I am but to bow, to agree and to obey? But I am done with this creed of corruption. I am done with the monster of “We,” the word of serfdom, of plunder, of misery, falsehood and shame. And now I see the face of god, and I raise this god over the earth, this god whom men have sought since men came into being, this god who will grant them joy and peace and pride. This god, this one word: “I.” After Equality discover the word “Ego,” he has become critical to the leaders of his society, and denouncing the leaders in moral terms. Equality has made a right judgment for being critical to his leaders. He noticed that the people in his society are all in a habit of moral agnosticism. If people stay neutral betweengood and evil, who do we encourage and whom do we betray? As an example, if the leaders do not care when Equality tasers the scholar for no reason, of course we are encouraging the person who’s being violent. And we betray the good because people is being good to you for a reason. Everyone in the world make judgment for a reason. Without a reason, mankind doesn’t do anything. Equality noticed another habit that the people is in, and that is called “objective reality.” People thought that there is no right or wrong, but there actually is, but every man needs to make a judgment at least 1 time in their whole entire life. But if you made a judgment upon something, you are making a judgment upon yourself at the same time. If you chose evil, that means you are not in the good side. People were afraid to judge, and when people remain silent about something, it means that they are “okay” with it. When people said “who are you to judge me,” it is the same thing as, “who are you to think.” When men do not think, then we are nothing but a naked ape. The judgment we make is not meant to save people, the judgment we make need to be real from heart. In short, we have to judge freely. By the end of the story, Golden One learned the word “Ego” from Equality, and she has complete the sentence that Equality think it’s awkward. She said,” I love you.” As a result, Equality’s government is not a failed system, but it is an evil system. The evil system that enslaves people for its own goods. But who is the leader of the world? The leader of the world is the leader of the government, and I think that the leader of the government are “Us.” The people in the society is the one who made this evil system because we do not know how to control it. We are the one who made the world without freedom. Ayn Rand and Equality both would agreed on 1 thing and that is, recognize good and recognize evil. Prepare to judge and to be judged because if we don’t judge, our world will become the world like Anthem, the world without freedom.从 １－１０ 给我一个准确的分数！！！ 顺便提点建议。 我写的是关于 Ａｎｔｈｅｍ 一个政府＝ＡＬＬ 的世界
{:5_190:}太长不看 只看了第一句，给8分吧@@ {:5_190:}14years那一些没事 1 time改成one time比较好 @@你发到这... 要是turnitin一查.. 估计就一个0分 恶男神 发表于 2016-3-30 03:32
你发到这... 要是turnitin一查.. 估计就一个0分
#124# 我也这么觉得，感觉已经GG了 #124# 可怜的孩子GG 5 恶男神 发表于 2016-3-29 23:32
你发到这... 要是turnitin一查.. 估计就一个0分
这么有经验 恶男神 发表于 2016-3-29 23:32
你发到这... 要是turnitin一查.. 估计就一个0分
@@@@@@:lol
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